I started reading the study guide for the series today. I'm deeply hurt and disappointed in what I read, but I'm not surprised. I just didn't know how bad it was going to be. If they had just stuck to "its okay to be gay, it's just not okay to have gay sex" I could have endured it. But I didn't expect what I read. Here's a quote from the study guide: "The bottom line, again, is that homosexual acts are contrary to God's order and design and are only in the world because of our fallen, broken nature"
I found out today that I, as I am today and have been my whole life, would not exist if it hadn't been for "the fall of humanity." If Adam and Eve had just behaved we could have avoided having homosexuals on the planet altogether. No bothersome gay marriages or having your day ruined when you see two men holding hands.
Here's another quote: "Hearing that your deepest desires for intimacy are the result of humanity's fall is not an easy thing to accept." No kidding. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to sit through the next two week's sermons. There's lots more quotes like these. Its very disturbing to me that things like these will be said, heard and believed. It's extremely disturbing that they think gays would feel welcome there and that they think they are even capable of welcoming gays. Gays would only be welcome, for real, if they changed and conformed. There would be several church functions that gay people would be excluded from. I am very out of sorts. I feel pain in my chest, a pit in my stomach, a lump in my throat. My heart is broken.
Here's the thing. I've been going to this church for over two years now. I have community there, I have some friends. I've volunteered, joined a life group, taken classes, gone to bible studies, attended services. I like the people and they like me. A LOT of my time and energy and love have gone in to the church. Its a big part of my life. I've learned so much about God, how to live in a way that pleases God. It is my hearts desire to become more and more like God wants me to be. I really don't want to leave, but how on earth can I stay knowing they believe I'm a perversion that sprung into being because a lady ate an apple a million years ago.